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A Tail of Toilet Paper…

And now for something a little lighter.

About a year ago, I went to Mustafa Shopping Centre (the brick and mortar store, not the website) and wanted to check out some toiletries.

Shopping for toiletries, especially for toilet paper is an art.

It’s also a science.
what you want to do is go for a toilet paper with a high a comfort level as possible.

how is comfort defined?
The formula goes like this: comfort = [frictional coefficient] / [price].
you want to buy a toilet paper which is cheap (price being as low as possible)
while having a very very very low frictional coefficient, else besides removing waste matter from your behind, you’ll also be removing a your anus and rectum.

Tissue Paper

One brand of tissue paper I like is Paseo.

What I like about it is it’s smooth quality and is kinda ‘up market’ looking.
It’s thick and the design looks floral and kinda springtime-y.

The other thing is if you’re having a cold and blowing your nose all the time, this paper won’t not to shred your nose like i’ve experienced with some other brands.

Back to the toilet paper…

I was keeping an eye out for Paseo toilet paper, but it looked like they had been ‘clean out’ so to speak.

I checked out the products on offer.

Most of them looked fairly ‘industrial’ and somewhat reminiscent of sand paper.

I was taken aback when a package of rolls dropped onto the floor with a loud THUD!

Toilet paper hitting the floor with a thud? I crossed that brand off my list and checked out something interesting.

Hmm, a roll of Scott paper. I looked at the price, looked fairly reasonable.

I was feeling a little distrubed however and started to put it back.

“Hey, what are you doing?” the wife asks.

“I don’t think this is for us. It’s just not right.”

“Not right? Why”

“Well, see?” I said, pointing at the picture of the cute doggy.

“What about it?”

“I wouldn’t ever dream of using this paper”

“What????” The wife says

Sighing, I looked at her.

“Think about it for a moment. The thought sickens… I’d rather rub my butt with newspapers”

“Sick is the only word i can come up with. Actually, there’re 3 words. Sick, sick, sick.”

“I mean LOOK at it!!! Would you use a toilet paper used to WIPE A DOG’S BUTT on your own???? I mean it’s fine for the dog and everything, but I DON’T want to use some weirdo DOGGY TOILET PAPER on my ass!”

“You are silly” the wife goes.

“WHAT! Look at it? It’s got a happy dog who just got his butt wiped and I’m not sure about this, but humans and dogs are different. I wouldn’t eat dog biscuits for one!”

“You…you…fool! The dog is the Scott mascot or something. Can’t you see it says “toilet paper” packaging”

“Ah, but it doesn’t say “human toilet paper” does it?”

“I give up” the wife says and walks away

I spend some time looking over the package with doubt in my heart.
the fact that the bag is stamped with a proof of purchase worth “Three Puppy Points” doesnt put my heart at ease either.

Seriously, think about this for a moment. Remember the last time you went to a supermarket and passed the dog food section?

How were the cans labelled?
With a picture of a dog or other animal on the can, right?

Don’t believe me?
Check this out:

It’s Pedigree dog food products.
What do you see on each package and can?
You see either a dog, or a dog or a dog.

How hard can it be to understand that the picture on your packaging is closely associated to the contents of your product or service?

Now think with me for a moment, what would customers think when you print a picture of a dog on your toilet paper. The Scott paper was good by the way, I’ve been buying it regularly for the past couple of months. But what kind of first impression does that make on the potential buyer?

There could be an important reason why the dog appears on the package, however I don’t ‘get it’ in the three seconds I’m looking at the product.

Thinking further afield, I’m fearing the day I see condoms in my 7-Eleven with a picture of a dog on the packaging.

Keeping my fingers crossed that that day will never come,

Have a great and relaxing weekend!

103 comments on A Tail of Toilet Paper…

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